Chinese Nationalist Whacking It to Japanese Porn Feels Super Guilty

Masturbating guy

SHANGHAI — Local Chinese nationalist Ma Haiqing (pictured above) revealed last night in a weibo post that he felt “super guilty” flogging the log with Japanese porn. Ma wrote that, despite his deep-seated hatred of the Japanese nation, he was unable to shake his addiction to Japanese adult video.

“I have these horrible bouts of guilt, like two to three times a day,” Ma went on. “Every time I crank the shank to some woman being hog tied or degraded on a public bus, I feel like a traitor. If only the girls in these videos were Chinese, I wouldn’t feel so bad.”

Ma says he’s tried repeatedly to get off to American “imperialist porn” or Russian “revisionist erotica” but it just wasn’t the same. “None of it is bizarre enough,” he said, recounting a favorite scene where a Japanese woman wearing a Pikachu bikini was violated by a series of fat men in bear costumes.

Some friends have tried to comfort Ma through encouraging comments on his microblog but other, more conservative friends have branded him as betrayer of the Han people.

“Doing the five-fingered shuffle to Japanese porn is tantamount to bukkake-ing all over China’s face.”

“Doing the five-fingered shuffle to Japanese porn is tantamount to bukkake-ing all over China’s face,” said Ma’s former classmate Liu Ming, who swears he’s never watched a second of Japanese porn in his life. “He’s essentially tentacle raping the memory of our ancestors who fought and died for this land,” Liu added.

In an attempt to placate his nationalistic friends, Ma wrote a follow-up weibo in which he reiterated his conviction that every Japanese person deserves a swift death but asked if the country’s AV stars could be spared and used as comfort women by lonely Chinese men like himself. He was immediately blocked by Liu and other rightists.

According to close friends, Ma has been dejected since his nationalistic friends abandoned him and is now questioning his most basic beliefs. “I’ve always been taught that the Japanese people are subhuman, but a society that invents a whole subgenre of porn involving lotion play must have some value, right?”

Friends last saw Ma disappearing into his room with a stack of Sola Aoi DVDs. They confirm that he is feeling extremely guilty.

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