Thursday, November 29, 2012
CHONGQING — Officials in Chongqing were understandably on edge after Beibei district party secretary Lei Zhengfu was dismissed last week when a sex tape showing him having intercourse with an 18-year-old mistress was posted on the Internet.
But upon learning that there are more sex tapes as yet unreleased, which threaten to implicate at least five other officials, the mayor of Chongqing Wang Liguo declared a state of emergency before rushing home to wipe his hard drive.
Tuesday, November 27, 2012
Of many surveys taken during the 18th National Congress of the Communist Party of China, one that asked delegates about their feelings on the Party’s official logo—the hammer and sickle—has aroused particular controversy.
Out of the 888 delegates polled, 100% revealed that they have neither held a hammer nor a sickle at any point in their lives. Furthermore, 62% chose the response “not sure” when asked to give a context in which either implement could be used. A startling 18% mistook the sickle for a question mark.
Tuesday, November 20, 2012
Monday, November 19, 2012
It’s been a whirlwind two weeks. Xi Jinping won in a landslide election, Hu Jintao lulled everyone sleep with an interminable speech, and Jiang Zemin shat himself in the Great Hall of the People.
In case you missed it, here’s a look back at our coverage of the 18th National Congress of the Communist Party of China.
Friday, November 16, 2012
BEIJING — According to inside sources, top leaders of the Communist Party originally planned for the Politburo Standing Committee to be comprised of eight members instead of seven, with Republican presidential nominee Mitt Romney rounding out the list.
Internal memos reveal that shortly after Romney’s devastating loss last Wednesday, his aides reached out to the CCP to see if they had any openings, saying the former Massachusetts governor was now looking for a job, preferably one far, far away from America.
Thursday, November 15, 2012
Wednesday, November 14, 2012
BEIJING — Having almost made it through the grueling, sleep-inducing five-day conference, former president Jiang Zemin seemingly lost control of his bowels on this, the final day of the 18th National Congress.
According to a high-ranking official seated next to Jiang (pictured above), the aging politician “let one fly” during a speech by president-in-waiting Xi Jinping, only it was “wetter than expected.”
Monday, November 12, 2012
Sunday, November 11, 2012
BEIJING — Chinese president-in-waiting Xi Jinping today ejected what appeared to be an unkempt version of himself from the floor of the 18th National Congress. The sponge-faced politician was seen scuffling with himself for several minutes before finally convincing bemused security guards to escort his assailant from the premises.
“About halfway through the meeting, there was this flash of blue light, and suddenly there were two Xi Jinpings standing by the hot water machine,” an official present at the time revealed. “The new Xi, or Xi II, looked older, and was completely naked apart from a makeshift loincloth.”
Saturday, November 10, 2012
BEIJING — China’s top scientists are studying the soporific effects of Hu Jintao’s speech to the 18th National Congress on Thursday, after the Chinese President managed to lull all 2268 delegates to sleep within minutes of opening his mouth.
“It seems that something about the endless droning of President Hu reading meaningless, pseudo-Marxist babble from a stack of papers sends people right to REM sleep,” said Zhang Xiuji, a researcher with the China Academy of Sciences.