People’s Liberation Army Uncovers Evidence of U.S. Hacking

SHANGHAI — The 2nd Bureau of the People’s Liberation Army General Staff’s Department 3rd Department announced today that they have uncovered “incontrovertible proof” of cyber attacks originating from the United States which target Chinese citizens.

“This YouTube video clearly shows an unidentified American operative eavesdropping on a Chinese citizen using his Windows 98-powered computer,” the press release said. “This is an unprecedented invasion of privacy by a foreign power and we will not stand for it.”

“The United States accuses us of hacking; all the while they are hacking us.”

Shortly afterward, foreign ministry spokesman Jiang Min held a press conference in which he “strongly condemned” America’s actions and called for an immediate stop to the illegal surveillance.

“The United States accuses us of hacking, without a modicum of evidence,” said Jiang. “And all the while they are hacking us.”

“I want to thank Mandiant, the government watchdog group, for exposing this hypocrisy,” he added.

Neither the PLA nor the Ministry of Foreign Affairs would divulge the identity of the person being hacked in the video but Jiang said that the individual was “deeply traumatized” by the experience and is currently recuperating in an army hospital.

Both the White House and the CIA have denied any involvement in the hacking, saying they were “too busy killing people with drones to orchestrate something like that.”

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