North Korea Begins Offering Tours of the Smoking Ruin of South Korea

South Korea

SEOUL — In an act of further escalation, North Korea has announced that starting next week, it will begin running tours of the smoking ruin of South Korea.

On Saturday, the state tourism agency opened registration for five- and seven-day “Reunification Tours,” which cost twelve and fifteen goats, respectively, and will take visitors around “territory freshly liberated by the supreme leader Kim Jong-un.”

“By next week, the traitors in the south will be no more than piles of ash,” one pamphlet reads. “Come join us for fun and adventure amid the devastation!”

According to the website, the travel packages include activities like “scuba diving through the wreckage of erstwhile Incheon, a walking tour of the still-smoldering rubble of Pusan and a night camping under the stars in the irradiated remnants of Seoul.”

For an extra five goats, travelers can “follow the Supreme Leader as he looks at things”; for an extra ten they can “stab a captured American capitalist in the heart.”

Chinese citizens are exempt from visa restrictions.

The United States has condemned what it sees as a wanton act of aggression but so far China has offered no comment. However, President Xi Jinping was last seen stepping on a plane with an entourage of 30 goats.

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