Police Mistakenly Tackle Man Who Knows Nothing About Tiananmen

Photo © poeloq from Flickr

BEIJING — Earlier today, armed police in Tiananmen Square tackled 58-year-old Changsha resident Chen Jianming as he approached the Monument to the People’s Heroes.

According to eyewitnesses, Chen began weeping as he approached the obelisk, whispering to himself, “I remember, this is where it happened.”

“I’ll never forget that night,” he continued. “And what happened next.”

At which point plainclothes policemen surrounded Chen and wrestled him to the ground, slamming his face into the pavement before he could lay a bouquet of flowers on the steps of the monument.

Police later discovered during an intense interrogation that Chen was commemorating the night 30 years ago when he proposed to his late wife beneath the steps of the column.

“I got down on one knee and she said, ‘Yes,'” Chen admitted under duress.

“I got down on one knee and she said, ‘Yes,'” Chen admitted under duress.

After his ordeal, Chen said that he felt mostly perplexed during the interrogation, which seemed to focus on the numbers 6, 4, 8 and 9.

According to Chen, at one point an officer pointed a pistol at his genitals and screamed, “Tell us who you’re working for!”

“They kept asking me about student protests and mass killings,” said Chen. “But I told them I didn’t know anything, that I’m just a commoner.”

After hours of repeated questioning, the paramilitary officers began to believe that Chen truly had no knowledge of the student protests of 1989 or the government’s subsequent crackdown.

Indeed, when shown a copy of the infamous “Tank Man” photograph, Chen simply asked, “Where is that from?”

Exasperated, the interrogators had no choice but to let Chen go.

As the Changsha man slowly put his clothes back on, a sympathetic officer asked him, “Christ, you really don’t know, do you?”

Chen just stared back blankly. “Know what?”

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