Reforms from the Third Plenum of the CPC Central Committee

The third plenum of the CPC Central Committee is set to take place from 9-12 November and forecasters are expecting significant changes in China’s economic policy. Here are some of the planned reforms:

• Value of RMB to be determined daily by random number generator
• Clearer legal definition of haves, have nots
• Put country behind paywall
• Establish more transparent hongbao system
• All heavy industry and chuar stands will be shut down if heavy smog persists for three days
• Cost of mistresses (up to five) can now be claimed as a business expense
• Allow state-owned banks to package sub-prime mortgages into arcane financial instruments and trade them endlessly between each other
• Currency to be printed with a new picture of Chairman Mao sitting on a pile of gold
• Sexier bank tellers
• Haunted mansions can apply for exemption from estate tax upon proof of haunting
• Zhongnanhai “Caviar Mondays” to be discontinued
• Redistribution of wealth among the working masses to advance development of communism  [REJECTED]