Thanksgiving Party Ruined After Expat Woman Declares Attraction to Chinese Men

Thanksgiving party

BEIJING — A Thanksgiving potluck organized by American expatriate Madison Wellesley at her Shunyi home was “irretrievably ruined” Thursday after a white female guest suddenly admitted her attraction to Chinese men.

According to traumatized guests, newly arrived English teacher Jessica Morris blithely revealed her preference for Asian men during what eyewitnesses described as a “completely innocent” postprandial discussion about sexual attraction.

“Everything was going great,” a shaken Wellesley told reporters. “We had just finished dinner and were getting ready for dessert when Jessica dropped that bombshell on us.”

“Everyone was like, ‘Where the hell did that come from?'” Wellesley continued. “How do you go from discussing how fun it would be to take part in an interracial three-way with a Latino and a black man, to admitting, in front of people you barely know, that not only do you feel attraction to Chinese men, but you actually prefer them as sexual partners?”

Harry Shum, Jr., one of the ethnically Chinese celebrities white women are biologically unable to feel attracted to.

Harry Shum, Jr., one of the ethnically Chinese celebrities white women are biologically unable to feel attracted to.

According to sources who spoke on condition of anonymity, Morris began reeling off ethnically Chinese men she found attractive, including Leehom Wang, Harry Shum, Jr. and Wellesley’s personal trainer Zhao Tianlong, who was seated next to the mortified host.

Guests reported feeling “so embarrassed for Jessica” and ate their apple crumble in silence as Morris recounted experiences with past Chinese-American boyfriends. Shortly after, multiple guests made excuses to leave, with at least one pretending to have food poisoning.

“The person I felt most sorry for was Zhao,” said an emotional Wellesley. “He had to sit there awkwardly while this white woman announced how she found his race sexually appealing. He even leaned over and asked me if he’d misheard.”

“I reassured him afterward that in America he’d never encounter a white woman who would consider his gravely voice, easygoing nature, almond-shaped eyes, rippling abdominal muscles and silky skin even remotely attractive.”

While Wellesley doesn’t resent Morris for her sexual preferences, she believes that Jessica must have suffered some sort of psychological trauma in her childhood.

“Maybe she was forced to watch Bruce Lee movies as a kid,” she mused.

However, Wellesley has since rescinded Jessica’s invitation to her annual “Expat Only” Christmas party. When asked why, she said, “I can’t take the chance that she’ll bring a Chinese date.”

“I mean, can you imagine?”

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