Wang Qishan Determined to Break This Motherfucker

Wang Qishan

BEIJING — As his interrogation of disgraced official Zhou Yongkang entered its third day, Wang Qishan, Secretary of the Central Commission for Discipline Inspection, told colleagues that he wouldn’t sleep until he had “broken this motherfucker.”

The 65-year-old official made headlines last month when he pledged to “personally bitch slap every one of the sick, plutocratic fucks who have corrupted our nation until they tell me what I want to hear.”

Since delivering his pledge, Wang has secured confessions from 12 suspected officials, leaving some 180,000 remaining.

Departing from tradition, the Shanxi-born politician has refused to allow state security to assist him in interrogations, calling them “a bunch of candy-cocked tit-suckers who couldn’t break a case if it were made of porcelain.”

“Wang’s going to nail their nuts to the wall even if the Party takes his badge.”

Sources close to Wang claim that he has shown no signs of fatigue, despite having already spent 48 hours in a small, dimly lit interrogation room.

The interrogation of Zhou, the former politburo standing committee member currently under investigation for corruption, holds personal significance for Wang. According to official biographies, Zhou and Wang were formerly partners in the government’s anti-corruption task force. The duo broke several key cases but their partnership fell apart, according to an insider, “over some dame with a fine set of gams.”

Following the acrimonious split, Wang allegedly followed his partner’s career closely, seeing President Xi Jinping’s crackdown on corruption as his chance to strike back.

“Sure, he’s a maverick, but he gets results,” said Minister of Public Security Guo Shengkun, smoking a cigarette in rolled-up shirtsleeves just outside the interrogation room. “That bastard [Wang] is going to nail their nuts to the wall even if the Party takes his badge.”

Guo looked haggard and paused to sip coffee from a Styrofoam cup, as the sound of raised voices and bodies falling on furniture filtered through the door. Moments later, Wang emerged from the room with a half-ashed cigarette dangling from his mouth, his shirt stained with patches of sweat. He then proceeded to unplug the feed to the security cameras.

As Wang nursed his bloody knuckles, Guo approached him cautiously.

“What’s the plan, man? Good-cop-bad-cop?” Guo asked. “I can be good cop.”

“No such thing,” Wang sighed, flicking his cigarette away and stalking back into the interrogation room.


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