Xinhua Abandons Search for Japanese Link to Missing Plane

Monday, March 31, 2014
Photo © AFP

BEIJING — After spending weeks combing through official reports, attending press conferences and interviewing aviation insiders, Xinhua has officially called off the search for a Japanese link to the disappearance of Malaysian Airlines Flight MH370.

Read More

Study Calling Korean TV Fans Fucking Retards Decried by Fucking Retarded Korean TV Fans

Wednesday, March 26, 2014
My Love from the Star

BEIJING — The fucking retards who watch Korean TV issued an open letter today to Seoul National University, decrying a recent study describing fans of Korean TV as fucking retards.

Read More

Max Baucus Still Standing in Local Starbucks, Waiting for Someone to Notice

Friday, March 21, 2014
Max Baucus

WASHINGTON, D.C. — According to several eyewitnesses, incoming U.S. ambassador to China Max Baucus was, as of this morning, still standing in line at a local Starbucks, waiting for someone to take a picture of him and upload it to the Chinese Internet.

Read More

Female Participation Soars to 7% at 2014 National People’s Congress

Wednesday, March 19, 2014
CPPCC delegates

BEIJING — This year’s National People’s Congress made history as over 7% of the deputies were women, a 2% increase on 2008. The 213 female deputies represent the highest level of female participation in Chinese political history, with the exception of 1993 when the all-female staff of tea refillers was included in the statistics.

Read More

Uneasy Silence Hangs over Old Peking as Politburo Rides out of Town

Monday, March 17, 2014
Old Peking

BEIJING — Announcing that “there’s more folks needing our help out yonder,” Wang “The East is Red” Qishan, the most infamous member of the Politburo Posse, mounted his horse and lit out for parts unknown, sources confirmed Sunday.

Read More

China Tests Pollution-Fighting Drones

Friday, March 14, 2014

The Chinese government recently tested an unmanned aerial vehicle that releases a chemical catalyst to disperse smog. Here are the feelings of the Chinese people. “I never met…

Read More

“The Rains of Castamere” Heard Playing in Great Hall of the People

Wednesday, March 12, 2014
Photo © UPI

Read More

China Applauds Russia’s Interference in Another Country’s Internal Affairs

Friday, March 7, 2014
Photo © Reuters

BEIJING — The Chinese government lauded Russia for its “heroic and timely” intervention in Crimea this week, calling it “a bold measure to bring stability to a troubled peninsula.”

Read More

Knives Removed from Uyghur NPC Deputies’ Banquet Table

Thursday, March 6, 2014
Banquet table

Read More

Disappointment in Beijing as Sochi Declared “Most Corrupt Olympics”

Wednesday, March 5, 2014
Sochi 2014

BEIJING — Shock and disappointment spread across Beijing yesterday when the International Olympic Committee announced that the 2014 Winter Olympics held in Sochi had surpassed the 2008 Summer Olympics held in Beijing to become the most corrupt Olympiad in history.

Read More