Changes in CCTV’s Cleaner Version of The Big Bang Theory
After pulling The Big Bang Theory from domestic streaming sites, Chinese authorities have announced that they will broadcast a “cleaner” version of the show on CCTV. Here are some of the expected changes:
- Instead of being a theoretical physicist at Caltech, Sheldon Cooper now studies classical Chinese at a small liberal arts college.
- To familiarize audiences with actress Mayim Bialik, The Big Bang Theory will air after back-to-back episodes of the hit 90s sitcom Blossom.
- The characters must mention “5,000 years of Chinese culture” at least once per episode.
- Howard Wolowitz should appear smarter than Sheldon, as Chinese audiences will wonder why the Jew isn’t the smartest character.
- Jokes based on negative stereotypes of Chinese people will be cut; jokes based on positive stereotypes can stay.
- A new Mandarin theme song should be recorded, as having a theme sung by bare naked ladies promotes immorality.
- Chuck Lorre’s vanity cards at the end of the show will be replaced with famous quotations from Chairman Mao.
- Jokes about grown men still living with their parents will be reworked as paeans to filial piety.
- Actor Jim Parsons will no longer be gay in the Chinese broadcast.
- To refrain from alienating Chinese viewers the following references should be changed to Chinese counterparts:
- Star Trek — Romance of the Three Kingdoms
- Star Wars — Journey to the West
- Battlestar Galactica — Water Margin
- Doctor Who — Dream of the Red Chamber