Changes in CCTV’s Cleaner Version of The Big Bang Theory

The Big Bang Theory

After pulling The Big Bang Theory from domestic streaming sites, Chinese authorities have announced that they will broadcast a “cleaner” version of the show on CCTV. Here are some of the expected changes:

  • Instead of being a theoretical physicist at Caltech, Sheldon Cooper now studies classical Chinese at a small liberal arts college.
  • To familiarize audiences with actress Mayim Bialik, The Big Bang Theory will air after back-to-back episodes of the hit 90s sitcom Blossom.
  • The characters must mention “5,000 years of Chinese culture” at least once per episode.
  • Howard Wolowitz should appear smarter than Sheldon, as Chinese audiences will wonder why the Jew isn’t the smartest character.
  • Jokes based on negative stereotypes of Chinese people will be cut; jokes based on positive stereotypes can stay.
  • A new Mandarin theme song should be recorded, as having a theme sung by bare naked ladies promotes immorality.
  • Chuck Lorre’s vanity cards at the end of the show will be replaced with famous quotations from Chairman Mao.
  • Jokes about grown men still living with their parents will be reworked as paeans to filial piety.
  • Actor Jim Parsons will no longer be gay in the Chinese broadcast.
  • To refrain from alienating Chinese viewers the following references should be changed to Chinese counterparts:
    • Star Trek — Romance of the Three Kingdoms
    • Star WarsJourney to the West
    • Battlestar GalacticaWater Margin
    • Doctor WhoDream of the Red Chamber

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