China’s Contingency Plans in the Event of North Korean Collapse

Photo © Reuters

A leaked document allegedly written by the People’s Liberation Army contains details about what China would do in the event North Korea collapses. Here are several of China’s contingency plans:

  • Identify the hostile foreign power responsible for the collapse, as it is inconceivable that North Korea would implode on its own.
  • Reboot the North Korean franchise with a different leading man.
  • Allow Kim Jong-un to crash on Xi Jinping’s futon until he gets back on his feet.
  • In addition to futon privileges, the People’s Liberation Army will transfer control of two nuclear warheads to Kim Jong-un to make him feel more at home.
  • Transform erstwhile North Korea into a demilitarized bird sanctuary known as Bufferia.
  • Develop North Korea into the biggest Disneyland Asia’s ever seen.
  • Chaoxian North Korean Autonomous Region has a nice ring to it.
  • Encourage the Uyghur population of China to emigrate to the newly established autonomous region.
  • Transfer political prisoners of Qincheng prison to the Ryugyong Hotel.
  • Stay perfectly still and hope it blows over.

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