No Events of Note in Western Xinjiang on Thursday, August 7 at 8:56 AM

Urumqi

URUMQI — In a hastily arranged press conference, Hao Min, the Ministry of State Security official responsible for Kashgar and its surrounding areas, informed reporters that no serious events had taken place in the city this morning at 8:56 am.

The slightly disheveled Hao stressed that “everything was under control” and society was as harmonious as it had been before nothing happened.

“We want to inform everyone, however, that every decision we have taken is for the greater good,” the anxious-looking official said before swallowing hard.

The sudden upsurge in troop numbers is not connected to the absence of any events.

He went on to assure the media that the sudden upsurge in troop numbers and communications blackout in the region was not connected to the absence of any events.

Hao was also adamant that the non-existence of any developments this morning had not sparked widespread ethnic riots or copycat bombings in nearby cities.

Then the 46-year-old cadre, sweating profusely, asked what “you guys have heard” and seemed satisfied when the press corps admitted they had not received any word from their bureaus.

However, the dearth of news has not stopped netizens from speculating on the lack of evidence of any significant events occurring just before nine this morning.

Indeed, some social commentators have suggested that this non-event is just the latest in a series of inconclusive episodes that have not contributed to the unremarkable situation whatsoever.


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