Pros and Cons of China’s New Operating System

China OS

Miniharm had the opportunity to test China’s new operating system, due out in October. Here are the pros and cons of the as-yet-unnamed OS:

PROS:

  • Looks just like Windows XP.
  • Comes with free, six-month trial of Astrill VPN.
  • Advanced auto-correct system detects misspelled words like “revolution” and “human rights.”
  • Web browser developed by three former Internet Explorer employees.
  • Users can update features with a click of a button, a valid ID card, relevant bank account information, blood sample and spare house key.
  • Preloaded with the most popular apps and viruses.
  • Exceptional Chinglish-language support.
  • Can’t be worse than Windows Vista.

CONS:

  • Not compatible with anything.
  • Automatically sends your keystrokes and Internet browsing history to the Ministry of State Security every 10 minutes.
  • Flashing red-and-yellow color scheme rumored to give epileptic fits.
  • Can only be uninstalled by a member of the Standing Committee of the National People’s Congress.
  • Doesn’t have Minesweeper.
  • Only available desktop wallpaper is giant photograph of Xi Jinping.
  • Self-destructs if activated by suspected rightist.
  • License agreement requires user to take up arms to defend the Diaoyu Islands.

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