What Are Our Chinese New Year’s Resolutions?

Friday, February 20, 2015
Photo © UPI

Lose weight, stop smoking and call discipline authorities on unpopular manager — 22%
Misquote more ancient classics — 10%
Help fallen people in street instead of watching them die — 16%

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How Are We Spending Chinese New Year?

Tuesday, February 17, 2015
Photo © Getty

Weeping in holding cell of Southeast Asian airport — 12%
Pretending to be married, for our parents’ sake — 30%
Hosting CCTV New Year’s Gala — 10%

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Xi Jinping to Direct, Produce and Star in CCTV New Year’s Gala

Wednesday, February 11, 2015
Photo © Xinhua

BEIJING — In a surprise announcement Monday, General Secretary of the Central Committee of the Communist Party of China, President of the People’s Republic of China and Chairman of the Central Military Commission Xi Jinping declared that he would personally oversee production of this year’s CCTV New Year’s Gala.

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How Will China Remove Western Values from Chinese Colleges?

Wednesday, February 4, 2015
Yuan Guiren

Last week, Chinese Education Minister Yuan Guiren told colleges to “never let textbooks promoting Western values appear in our classes.” Miniharm urges him to go further, banning Western influence from college entirely. Here’s how:

  • Limit independent thoughts to one per student per semester.
  • Ban books by non-Chinese writers such as Friedrich Engels, Vladimir Lenin and Karl Marx.

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China Removes Female Form from TV Drama

Wednesday, January 14, 2015
Empress of China

BEIJING — Just days after censors removed all cleavage from the Tang-era drama The Empress of China, another Chinese TV show has come under the close scrutiny of the censors.

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China Pulls All Copies of “The Interview” from Pirated DVD Stores

Friday, December 19, 2014
The Interview

BEIJING — In response to multiple threats aimed at pirated DVD stores across the country, China has decided to pull all bootlegged copies of The Interview until further notice.

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Kenny G Disperses Hong Kong Protesters by Playing “Going Home” on Continuous Loop

Friday, October 24, 2014
Photo © AP

HONG KONG — The turbulent Hong Kong democracy protests came to an end yesterday when jazz saxophonist Kenny G dispersed the crowds by playing his hit song “Going Home” on a continuous loop.

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Dozens Dead from Ingesting Gift-Laden Mooncakes

Wednesday, September 10, 2014
Mooncakes

BEIJING — In what could be the deadliest Mid-Autumn Festival in decades, 38 officials were found dead over the weekend after ingesting mooncakes stuffed with gifts intended to curry favor.

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I’m So Ashamed of My Son

Friday, September 5, 2014
Jackie Chan

By Jackie Chan

It’s a terrible thing for a father to publicly chide his firstborn, the apple of his eye. But, given recent revelations about my son Jaycee, I simply can’t remain silent. So I’m just going to say it.

Jaycee, your terrible acting and singing has sullied the good name of Chan.

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Chinese Version of Ice Road Truckers Features Heavy Use of Methamphetamine

Tuesday, September 2, 2014
Binglu Qianxing

BEIJING — The highly anticipated Chinese adaptation of Ice Road Truckers premiered last night on CCTV-10, but die-hard fans will find that it strays from the American version to better reflect the dangers that Chinese truckers face, including deadly switchbacks, harsh Dongbei winters and the heavy use of methamphetamine.

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