Top 10 Cosplays of CommieCon 2013

Sunday, March 17, 2013
Top 10 Cosplays of CommieCon 2013

This year’s CommieCon, held in Beijing from March 5-17, was a smashing success! Thanks to all who came. There were some great panels and performances, but the highlight of the convention, of course, was the cosplay competition. Here are our top 10.

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Daniel Craig to Play Lei Feng in Franchise Reboot

Saturday, March 16, 2013
Daniel Craig Lei Feng Reboot

BEIJING — After the Nanjing premiere of Young Lei Feng failed to pull in a single moviegoer over Lei Feng Day weekend, the Ministry of Culture announced that they would be rebooting the failing Lei Feng franchise with an all-star, multimillion-dollar movie due out next year, Lei Feng: A Quantum of Socialism, starring Daniel Craig as the titular hero.

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PLA Claims Ang Lee’s Oscar Statuettes As “Part of China”

Thursday, February 28, 2013
Ang Lee

BEIJING — At a press conference Tuesday, Ma Changjiang, spokesperson for the People’s Liberation Army, declared that Ang Lee’s Oscar statuettes, won in 2005 and 2013 respectively, were an “inexorable part of China” and “inextricable from the motherland.”

“As a resident of Taiwan Province, Li An [Ang Lee] is a naturalized and legal Chinese citizen, now and forever,” Ma said. “Therefore, any and all of his achievements as a director must be attributed solely to the Communist Party of China.”

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Censorship Officials Really Enjoying Third Season of The Walking Dead

Friday, February 22, 2013
The Walking Dead

BEIJING — It’s no surprise that China’s top censorship officials have become loyal followers of American television shows. Every week, in a private screening room in the basement of the Ministry of Culture, they watch with bated breath the latest installment of each popular TV series before issuing a blanket ban on its propagation within the Chinese mainland.

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Celine Dion Inadvertently Ends Career with CCTV New Year’s Gala Performance

Wednesday, February 13, 2013
Celine Dion Finally Insipid Enough to Perform at CCTV's New Year Gala

BEIJING — Canadian songstress Celine Dion unintentionally sang her swansong during CCTV’s annual New Year’s Gala, signalling the end of her two-decade career without even realizing it.

Dion, 98, performed the Chinese-language folk song “Jasmine” alongside lip-syncing Chinese pseudo-star Song Zuying before dazzling the studio audience with a stirring rendition of “My Heart Will Go On,” her bestselling 1997 single which ruined James Cameron’s Titanic for two generations of filmgoers.

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Two Minute Cut of Cloud Atlas Thrills Audiences

Friday, February 1, 2013
Cloud Atlas

BEIJING — The science fiction epic Cloud Atlas premiered in cities around China today, having successfully passed the SARFT censorship review process which cut the running time of the film by 170 minutes.

The final cut of the film came in at a little over two minutes after all the homosexual sex, heterosexual sex, human-animal sex, animal-plant sex, political intrigue, Dutch angles, dialogue, conflict, nuance, dramatic tension and most of the credits were excised, having been deemed inappropriate for Chinese audiences.

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Chinese Release of Skyfall to Omit Sequence Where 007 Shoots Entire Politburo in the Head

Sunday, January 20, 2013

BEIJING — The hotly-anticipated Chinese mainland premiere of Skyfall, the latest installment in the James Bond saga, will take place tomorrow. While the film hit overseas markets in December, its release in China was delayed while officials with the State Administration of Radio, Film and Television (SARFT) debated whether to remove a sequence in which James Bond shoots each member of the entire Standing Committee of the Politburo of the Communist Party of China in the head at point-blank range.

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