China to Attempt First Man “Space Docking”

Wednesday, June 13, 2012
Gemini 6 and 7

Correction appended

BEIJING — In a show of daring ambition, China’s space program announced that it will attempt to send two astronauts into space and have one defecate into the other’s anus, a sexual maneuver known as space docking.

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China Surprised at North Korea’s Sudden Intransigence

Saturday, June 9, 2012
Photo © Reuters

BEIJING — In an internal report, Chinese officials admit to being “shocked” and “deeply hurt” by the sudden intransigence of the North Korean regime. The recent North Korean rocket launch and subsequent hostage crisis have shaken Beijing’s trust in their stalwart ally.

“We’ve always considered North Korea to be a rational and responsible member of international community,” said foreign ministry spokesman Zhang Rui. “But recently, negotiations have become more and more arcane, with the North Koreans demanding payment in the form of Nilla Wafers and communicating only via semaphore. We don’t know what to make of it.”

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