I’ll Tell You Why China Hasn’t Produced a Steve Jobs

Monday, January 19, 2015
Robin Li

By Robin Li

Robin Li is the chairman and CEO of Baidu.

As a successful tech entrepreneur, people are constantly asking me why China hasn’t produced a Steve Jobs.

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I’m So Ashamed of My Son

Friday, September 5, 2014
Jackie Chan

By Jackie Chan

It’s a terrible thing for a father to publicly chide his firstborn, the apple of his eye. But, given recent revelations about my son Jaycee, I simply can’t remain silent. So I’m just going to say it.

Jaycee, your terrible acting and singing has sullied the good name of Chan.

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The Chinese Are the Cause of All the World’s Problems and I Have a Tiny Penis

Monday, August 25, 2014
Clive Palmer

by Clive Palmer

Dear reader, by now you’re probably aware of my little bust-up with our slanty-eyed friends to the north.

A state-owned company refused to pay royalties so I called the entire country “bastards” and “mongrels.” Fair dinkum, as we Aussies say.

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This Is No Way to Handle a Tragedy

Monday, April 7, 2014
Wen Jiabao

by Wen Jiabao

Like many of you, I have been following the story of Malaysian Airlines MH370 with a mixture of anger and frustration. And, like most Chinese, I have been shocked by the Malaysian government’s ham-fisted response to the situation.

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Man I Love House of Cards

Saturday, March 1, 2014
Bo Xilai

by Bo Xilai

I’ve had the chance to watch a lot of television in the past two years and I have to say that besides Two Broke Girls, the American political drama House of Cards is without a doubt the best show on television.

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Welcome Aboard, Please Kill Me

Wednesday, February 5, 2014
Chang Lili

by Chang Lili

Good morning, sir, and welcome aboard our Hainan Airlines flight from Bangkok to Beijing. I say “good morning,” even though it’s actually the middle of the bloody night and I’m steeling myself for five horrendous hours in one of the overcrowded pig trucks my bosses see fit to call an aircraft.

Please, just kill me now.

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Well, At Least My J-visa Was Approved!

Friday, December 13, 2013
Dave Dubrowski

by Dave Dubrowski

It’s no surprise that professional journalists like me are on edge these days.

What with Bloomberg and New York Times reporters—big love, guys—unsure if they will have their visas renewed, it’s easy to get the jitters when the time comes to rummage through your drawer and fish out that old residency registration form.

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I Didn’t Gang-Rape That Girl—She Gang-Raped Me

Saturday, August 31, 2013
Li Tianyi

by Li Tianyi

My name is Li Tianyi.

Most of you probably think I’m some young fuerdai punk with a pretty face and a smooth contralto. And many of you probably hope that I’ll be found guilty and spend a good chunk of my life in jail.

But I have something to confess. Something I’m not proud of—something so awful and shocking that it defies human understanding: I did not gang-rape that girl. In fact, she gang-raped me.

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The Right Way to Kill Your Citizens

Tuesday, August 20, 2013
Photo © AP

The Communist Party of China strongly condemns the ineptitude which with the indiscriminate slaughter of civilians is being carried out in Egypt.

As a fellow civilization-state with a long and splendid history of repression and totalitarianism, it saddens us to see Egypt bungle this attempt at massacring its own citizens. Indeed, the events currently unfolding in Egypt are an embarrassment to dictatorial regimes everywhere.

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I’m Concerned about the Declining Quality of TED Talks

Monday, July 8, 2013
Photo © James Duncan Davidson

by Eric X. Li

I’ve been a fan of the TED conference since its inception and believe it to be a powerful platform to share potentially world-changing ideas with a mass audience. Which is why I was so ambivalent when organizers asked me to speak at TEDGlobal 2013.

On the one hand, I was honored to be among the roster of accomplished speakers but, on the other hand, I wondered about the respectability of a conference that failed to see through my cheap, nationalistic delusions and low-level sophistry.

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