SHANGHAI — The 2nd Bureau of the People’s Liberation Army General Staff’s Department 3rd Department announced today that they have uncovered “incontrovertible proof” of cyber attacks originating from the United States which target Chinese citizens.
“This YouTube video clearly shows an unidentified American operative eavesdropping on a Chinese citizen using his Windows 98-powered computer,” the press release said. “This is an unprecedented invasion of privacy by a foreign power and we will not stand for it.”
Miniharm applauds the brave men and women of the Ministry of State Security who risk their lives day in and day out to conduct espionage against China’s enemies.
Code-named “Steal Team 6,” the group that hacked the The New York Times, Wall Street Journal, and Twitter this week are an elite black ops unit which operates within the ministry. But who are these men and women of mystery? Miniharm found out.
Speaking with a completely straight face at a recent press conference, Huawei Technologies President Ren Zhengfei publicly denounced the U.S. government after Congress described Huawei as a security threat.
Reporters present say that Mr. Ren delivered these remarks with no discernible irony whatsoever, suggesting the 57-year-old former PLA officer feels no cognitive dissonance over Huawei’s cries of protectionism and the fact that the Chinese government has prevented any foreign telecom company from operating within its territory for precisely the same reasons.
BEIJING — In a show of daring ambition, China’s space program announced that it will attempt to send two astronauts into space and have one defecate into the other’s anus, a sexual maneuver known as space docking.