Yao Ming Shot by Poachers

Tuesday, November 4, 2014
Yao Ming

NAIROBI — Former basketball star Yao Ming has been shot and killed by ivory poachers in Kenya, sources confirmed yesterday.

The longtime anti-poaching activist was reportedly feeding on vegetation near one of his preferred watering holes in Aberdares National Park when he was ambushed by hunters, who shot him three times with a high-powered rifle.

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CCTV to Rebroadcast China’s 2002 World Cup Appearance Instead of 2014 Finals

Friday, July 11, 2014
China national football team

BEIJING — Chinese state broadcaster CCTV announced this week that it plans to air all three games of China’s 2002 World Cup appearance in lieu of the 2014 grand finals.

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Disappointment in Beijing as Sochi Declared “Most Corrupt Olympics”

Wednesday, March 5, 2014
Sochi 2014

BEIJING — Shock and disappointment spread across Beijing yesterday when the International Olympic Committee announced that the 2014 Winter Olympics held in Sochi had surpassed the 2008 Summer Olympics held in Beijing to become the most corrupt Olympiad in history.

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China Banned from Sochi Olympics After Figure Skater Tests Positive for Homosexuality

Monday, January 27, 2014
Li Chunguang

MOSCOW — The Sochi Winter Olympic Committee announced Thursday that it would ban the entire Chinese Olympic figure skating team from competition after Chinese skater Li Chunguang tested positive for homosexuality in a routine anti-doping test.

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New Tell-All Jeremy Lin Documentary Lifts Lid on World’s Dullest Sports Legend

Tuesday, September 3, 2013
Jeremy Lin

LOS ANGELES — After releasing teaser trailers featuring some of Chinese-American basketball superstar Jeremy Lin’s most spellbinding moments, the directors of Linsanity told reporters that the full cut would feature a whole 18 seconds of content unrelated to basketball, detailing Lin’s vacuous off-court life and drab excuse for a personality.

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Chinese National Soccer Team Loses to Highly Organized Band of Feral Cats

Monday, June 24, 2013
Photo © Reuters

BEIJING — Following their embarrassing 5-1 loss to Thailand two weeks ago, China’s much-maligned national soccer team suffered another humiliating defeat on Sunday, this time at the hands…

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Lance Armstrong Admits to Trying Way Too Hard to Cheat at Riding a Bike

Saturday, January 19, 2013
Photo © AP

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Under withering questioning from Oprah Winfrey, disgraced cyclist Lance Armstrong admitted last night on national television that he worked way too hard trying to cheat at riding a bike quickly.

“I am sorry to admit to the American people that I spent a great deal of time and energy scheming about how to propel a pedal-driven recreational vehicle at ever greater velocities,” a penitent-looking Armstrong said.

“I thought riding bicycle swiftly was a big deal, but it turns out that there are literally hundreds of millions of people who can do the same thing, many of them in China.”

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