Xi Jinping Barred from Cuba After Attempting to Steal Castro’s Elixir of Life

Monday, July 28, 2014
Xi Jinping with Fidel Castro

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Chinese President Xi Jinping was ejected from Cuba partway through his state visit last week after a bungled attempt to steal Cuban leader Fidel Castro’s fabled elixir of life.

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Journalist Gets Three Sentences into Report Before Mentioning Tiananmen

Friday, June 6, 2014
Photo © Colin Strain from Flickr

BEIJING — In what is being hailed as a world first for a foreign correspondent in Beijing, BBC economics reporter Margaret Pickle managed to avoid mentioning the Tiananmen crackdown of 1989 until halfway through the opening paragraph of a report on China’s debt relief program in Africa.

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NSA Warns Americans China Might Hack Their Cellphones

Friday, May 23, 2014
Photo © Getty

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Just days after the U.S. Justice Department charged five Chinese army officers with cyber theft, the National Security Agency is warning Americans that China might be secretly monitoring…

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China’s Contingency Plans in the Event of North Korean Collapse

Monday, May 12, 2014
Photo © Reuters

A leaked document allegedly written by the People’s Liberation Army contains details about what China would do in the event North Korea collapses. Here are several of China’s contingency plans: Identify the hostile foreign…

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Justin Bieber Delays Release of Hideki Tojo Tribute Album Amid Controversy

Friday, April 25, 2014
Justin Bieber

BEIJING — In the wake of his controversial visit to the Yasukuni Shrine, Justin Bieber announced Wednesday that he would delay the release of his upcoming tribute album for former Prime Minister of Japan and convicted Class-A war criminal Hideki Tojo.

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This Is No Way to Handle a Tragedy

Monday, April 7, 2014
Wen Jiabao

by Wen Jiabao

Like many of you, I have been following the story of Malaysian Airlines MH370 with a mixture of anger and frustration. And, like most Chinese, I have been shocked by the Malaysian government’s ham-fisted response to the situation.

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Xinhua Abandons Search for Japanese Link to Missing Plane

Monday, March 31, 2014
Photo © AFP

BEIJING — After spending weeks combing through official reports, attending press conferences and interviewing aviation insiders, Xinhua has officially called off the search for a Japanese link to the disappearance of Malaysian Airlines Flight MH370.

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Study Calling Korean TV Fans Fucking Retards Decried by Fucking Retarded Korean TV Fans

Wednesday, March 26, 2014
My Love from the Star

BEIJING — The fucking retards who watch Korean TV issued an open letter today to Seoul National University, decrying a recent study describing fans of Korean TV as fucking retards.

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Max Baucus Still Standing in Local Starbucks, Waiting for Someone to Notice

Friday, March 21, 2014
Max Baucus

WASHINGTON, D.C. — According to several eyewitnesses, incoming U.S. ambassador to China Max Baucus was, as of this morning, still standing in line at a local Starbucks, waiting for someone to take a picture of him and upload it to the Chinese Internet.

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China Applauds Russia’s Interference in Another Country’s Internal Affairs

Friday, March 7, 2014
Photo © Reuters

BEIJING — The Chinese government lauded Russia for its “heroic and timely” intervention in Crimea this week, calling it “a bold measure to bring stability to a troubled peninsula.”

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