Lance Armstrong Admits to Trying Way Too Hard to Cheat at Riding a Bike

Saturday, January 19, 2013
Photo © AP

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Under withering questioning from Oprah Winfrey, disgraced cyclist Lance Armstrong admitted last night on national television that he worked way too hard trying to cheat at riding a bike quickly.

“I am sorry to admit to the American people that I spent a great deal of time and energy scheming about how to propel a pedal-driven recreational vehicle at ever greater velocities,” a penitent-looking Armstrong said.

“I thought riding bicycle swiftly was a big deal, but it turns out that there are literally hundreds of millions of people who can do the same thing, many of them in China.”

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