Fan Bingbing Confirmed to Star in Iron Man 4

Saturday, May 4, 2013
Fan Bingbing

LOS ANGELES — Following her captivating two-minute appearance in Iron Man 3, Marvel Studios announced that Fan Bingbing has signed on to reprise her role as “Dr. Wu’s Wife” in Iron Man 4, the next installment of the billion dollar superhero franchise.

“To be honest, we weren’t expecting much from the China-specific scenes,” said producer Kevin Feige. “But her unforgettable performance as Dr. Wu’s Wife really convinced us that this was a character we needed to explore in subsequent films.”

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Daniel Craig to Play Lei Feng in Franchise Reboot

Saturday, March 16, 2013
Daniel Craig Lei Feng Reboot

BEIJING — After the Nanjing premiere of Young Lei Feng failed to pull in a single moviegoer over Lei Feng Day weekend, the Ministry of Culture announced that they would be rebooting the failing Lei Feng franchise with an all-star, multimillion-dollar movie due out next year, Lei Feng: A Quantum of Socialism, starring Daniel Craig as the titular hero.

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Two Minute Cut of Cloud Atlas Thrills Audiences

Friday, February 1, 2013
Cloud Atlas

BEIJING — The science fiction epic Cloud Atlas premiered in cities around China today, having successfully passed the SARFT censorship review process which cut the running time of the film by 170 minutes.

The final cut of the film came in at a little over two minutes after all the homosexual sex, heterosexual sex, human-animal sex, animal-plant sex, political intrigue, Dutch angles, dialogue, conflict, nuance, dramatic tension and most of the credits were excised, having been deemed inappropriate for Chinese audiences.

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Jackie Chan to Donate All “Corrupt” U.S. Earnings to the Communist Party

Tuesday, January 15, 2013
Jackie Chan

HONG KONG — Kung fu has-been Jackie Chan has announced he will donate the tens of millions of dollars he’s earned over decades working in America directly to the Communist Party of China. His decision came, in Chan’s words, after he realized that the U.S. is “the most corrupt, hateful and nasty poo-poo country on Earth.”

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