Thursday, October 23, 2014
BEIJING — According to multiple eyewitnesses, Chinese Premier Li Keqiang is currently loading China’s entire national budget for Q3 and Q4, 2014 into a Bank of China ATM near Tiananmen Square. The bespectacled politician was seen loading over 7 trillion yuan in new 100 yuan bills directly into the machine, printing a receipt for every 10,000 deposited.
Monday, March 17, 2014
BEIJING — Announcing that “there’s more folks needing our help out yonder,” Wang “The East is Red” Qishan, the most infamous member of the Politburo Posse, mounted his horse and lit out for parts unknown, sources confirmed Sunday.
Saturday, February 9, 2013
BEIJING — The toddler from Inner Mongolia who climbed out of a wardrobe and mooned incoming premier Li Keqiang could face the death penalty if he is convicted of treason and “incitement to subvert state power.”
After the pornographic incident was broadcast to millions of viewers on national television, the Chinese government issued a statement saying the boy had “sorely hurt the feelings of the Chinese people,” and that, since he is Chinese, should be charged with treason.