Justin Bieber Announces China Tour after Securing “Shoot to Kill” PSB Protection

Friday, March 29, 2013
Justin Bieber

NEW YORK — Infantile pop princeling Justin Bieber announced through his publicist Monday that he would go ahead with a planned tour of the People’s Republic of China after receiving guarantees from the Ministry of Public Security that any invasion of Bieber’s privacy during the visit would be met with the use of “deadly force.”

After being jostled by reporters and fans during recent tour dates in London, treatment which resulted in an alleged breakdown, Bieber’s management redrafted the irritating Canadian star’s standard appearance agreement, placing the security of the blonde moppet above other priorities such as “providing a safe environment for fans” and a requirement that Bieber actually appear in person during concerts.

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