Let Us Choose the Next Guy

Tuesday, February 19, 2013
Pope Benedict XVI

From the office of the Secretariat of the Communist Party of China Central Committee.

Venerable Brothers of the Catholic Church,

We hear you have a quitter on your hands. Wait, we aren’t here to poke fun. We’ve been having trouble with one of ours as well. They just don’t make bishops like they used to.

Therefore, we humbly propose that you allow us, the Communist Party of China, to assist you in selecting the next Bishop of Rome.

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Millions of Chinese Celebrate Birth of Christmas Shopping

Tuesday, December 25, 2012
Christmas Shopping

SHANGHAI — Record numbers of Chinese are turning out this year to celebrate the birth of Christmas shopping, which derives from the Saturnalia tradition of gift giving that was syncretized into mainstream Christianity in order to convert pagans before being co-opted by corporations to sell an empty, materialist dream to the developed world.

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